November 19, 2010

Dark Days drag on

I just cannot seem to dig out of the Dark Days and make it back up to Good Days.  I guess this second chemo treatment with the increased dosage just going to drag on for awhile.  I have only had one small meal of regular food during the last 10 days.  All other nourishment has come from a can funneled down that tube into my stomach.   This incredible sensitivity to smells is wild beyond belief.  If there was a prize for having a nose like a dog, I’d be a player for the trophy.  My family is going nuts, of course, trying to not create some sort of food smell, etc., that will get a whiff of and go into a panic attack to run away and find some spot in the house where I can escape.  Totally unreal.  
I spend nearly all day sitting or lying on the bed just too weak to do anything else.  Man, I hate this worthless feeling lying around like a slug!   My mind is screaming for (1) some energy and (2) the ability to have some real food.  Oh well, maybe tomorrow this round of chemo will have done all it cancer killing and begin to wash out of my system and let me do some healing.  As I always say “Ya Gotta Believe!”
I am eager to be in Good Days and enjoy some fresh air, maybe wet a fishing line, try and help out online with work. 
I remained humbled by the number of kind messages that continue to come my way from so many people.  I am so blessed to know so many good people….