November 16, 2010

Chemo Cycle 2

Brother Larry snuck a picture while I was getting some fluids via IV...and sleeping
The chemo pump I have carried for the last five days was disconnected from my body today…thankfully.  This second chemo cycle is playing out quite differently that was expected.  The nausea and bone pain was down considerably from the first cycle.  On the other hand, my general condition and overall weakness was measurably deeper than the first cycle.  I am just now at the bottom and feeling fragile – for the lack of a better word.  Anything can send me to the bottom so fast.  Smelling food takes me from feeling pretty stable to crashing down on my knees with weakness that sweeps over me.  It is so hard to describe how a simple whiff of something cooking can send me rushing to my room to slam the door and escape.  I end up on the bed almost in panic trying to get a grip and regain a sense of stable feeling in my mind.  The last time this happened, this evening, a simple smell knocked me down for about two hours.  The only food I can take in is through the stomach tube; this has been the case sense last Thursday.
I seemed to be hit hard with dehydration this cycle.  I went in yesterday for a two hour IV feed of saline.  Unfortunately, I had to have another infusion of liquids today after the pump was removed. 

Once again, I am blessed to have family in town to help with all this running around. My brother and sister in law Susie (who was such a big help when she flew in after Mom’s heart attack) are in from Alaska. 
I have to get my determination back solid on track now that hopefully the worse is over for the second cycle.  Even though I have one more chemo cycle to go, I must meet with my radiation team and do all work we need to do to prepare our plan…and me…for the onslaught of six weeks of daily radiation…except weekends as if that makes it better. J
I apologize for not being able to put something on the blog during the Dark Days of this cycle.  It just is not possible to do it when I am trying to hang on to just staying inside the bubble of stability.